Linda D. States – Sacramento Divorce Lawyer

Hope is an important component in determining whether a California marriage is going to last. This was one of the findings of a study conducted by the University of Washington in 1992. It found that participants who were disillusioned or disappointed about their marriages were likely to be divorced within three years of the study taking place. Couples therapists have also noted that those who are disillusioned with their relationships are likely to get divorced.

This is because a marriage takes effort, and those who are not hopeful about the relationship are unlikely to put in that work. This is true in cases where both partners are not happy or in cases where only one is unhappy. Typically, unhappy spouses are disappointed that their marriages did not turn out the way they thought they would. Generally, once a person loses hope, they become resigned to the fact that the relationship is over.

Although a marriage has come to an end, it doesn’t necessarily mean that the ex-spouses will no longer need to see each other. If a couple has children, they will be obligated to work together to raise them, assuming that they are both capable of doing so. Furthermore, some divorced couples live together to save money or until their home sells.

An attorney may help an individual work out an agreement with a former spouse as to how to split marital property such as a home. It may also be possible for an attorney to help a parent obtain rights to their child, such as overnight visitation or even custody rights. As an alternative to litigation, a divorce may be settled through mediation.

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Planning a schedule can be particularly important as kids go back to school after a divorce. Whether child custody is jointly shared or one parent has primary custody, understanding the children’s schedule around the school year can make everyone’s lives easier. It is good for both parents to clarify how the schedule can be maintained. Some people may use scheduling services like Our Family Wizard while others will opt for less formal solutions like a Google calendar shared to various addresses. In either case, it is important that both parents and the children have access to the calendar and can anticipate upcoming plans.

Both parents can review the official school calendar and designate who is responsible for holidays, in-service days and half days throughout the year. School events, performances and trips can be important for parent-child bonding. Therefore, it may be important for both parents to be present for these activities.

When parents think about child custody issues, handling the academic year can be a major challenge and an opportunity for the parenting plan to work effectively. A family law attorney could help a divorcing spouse reach a fair agreement on a number of matters related to the children’s education, including financial obligations and parenting schedules.

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The president of the organization states that millennials differ from past generations when it comes to how prenuptial agreements are viewed. Millennials tend to view prenuptial agreements as part of a business deal.

Considering prenuptial agreements as business deals is not surprising as many people consider marriage to be a contract. It is not unusual for individuals to want to protect the assets that they bring into the marriage, such as a business that they own. Individuals may also not want to be saddled with the debts their spouse incurred, such as student loan debts, before they were married.

In the past, prenuptial agreements were recommended mainly for men who had substantial assets or to parents who wanted to safeguard assets intended only for the family. However, both women and men of the millennial generation want to be able to protect the assets that they have accumulated. In addition to detailing what should happen if a marriage ends, prenuptial agreements can also be used to stipulate who will be paying household expenses.

An attorney who practices family law may assist clients with negotiating and drafting prenuptial agreements to protect their interests and rights. The attorney may recommend how certain liabilities incurred during a marriage should be allocated if the marriage ends. Counsel may be provided regarding how to divide assets that have accumulated during a marriage. If necessary, the attorney might engage in litigation to enforce the terms of a prenuptial agreement.

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Working from that starting point, co-parents could develop consistent rules between their households so that children experience stable expectations about behavior. When people with different views about parenting find this task challenging, they should focus on basic standards. The establishment of largely similar rules at both homes could prevent parental arguments about how to discipline children.

To overcome forgetfulness about custodial schedules, parents could place 12-month calendars in their homes that show important dates and times, like vacations or holidays. A calendar might help all parties avoid scheduling conflicts. For day-to-day communications, the mental health counselor recommended that people correspond in writing instead of verbally. Text messages, emails or online messages create concrete records about children’s needs and scheduling adjustments. Written communications also reduce the likelihood of emotional exchanges, which could escalate during face-to-face or telephone conversations.

When ending a relationship, a parent might want the representation of an attorney when negotiating custodial schedules or communication protocols. These elements can be written into the terms of the final child custody agreement. To broker compromises, an attorney could suggest approaches that have worked for other families. With legal support, a person might limit emotional confrontations with the other parent. Information about parental rights provided by an attorney might enable a person to focus on achieving a fair custody schedule that fulfills the best interests of the children.

Source: Psych Central, “10 Essentials of Co-Parenting After a Divorce“, Christine Hammond, July 6, 2018

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When you go through a divorce, you may turn to social media to vent or seek validation, comfort and advice. However, social media also has its drawbacks, making it not the wisest place to be during this emotionally and legally vulnerable time. Anything you say or do online can become evidence against you in your divorce case.

Misinterpretation happens

While you may understand the importance of not sharing information about your love life or photos of your extravagant vacation, what can be the harm of just posting a picture of you and your children together? Unfortunately, your spouse can turn even the most innocent of status updates or photos into ammunition against you, such as accusing you of trying to manipulate the children or ruin his or her reputation. A judge does not know you personally and only uses the information available to make a decision. 

Privacy is not a guarantee

You may have a handle on privacy settings and know better than to friend a stranger, but these do not guarantee 100 percent security. Policies change often and glitches can happen. Your friends may also share your posts and photos, including in private messages, and their privacy settings may be different from yours. Anyone who has access to your profile can take screenshots of your page. Once you post something, it is out of your control. 

Posts are permanent

Just as you have probably told your own teenage kids, anything you put on the internet is permanent. Even if you delete a comment or photo or use an app like Snapchat, ways exist to bring things back. Furthermore, as mentioned above, your post may have already reached farther corners of the web, making a deletion on your end not totally effective anyway. It is best to stay off social media for now and seek solace from loved ones in person or through phone calls or to see a therapist.

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Parents should talk to their kids about prenuptial agreements before going to college. While this age may seem young, there are many reasons why the teen years could be an acceptable time. Since a typical high schooler has not yet found their future spouse, they could learn about the benefits of prenuptial agreements before getting involved in a serious relationship. Going in with the knowledge of what a prenuptial agreement does also makes one more likely to understand their rights when it is time to get married.

Ultimately, parents should let their kids know that prenups are not a bad thing. The fact is that roughly 50 percent of marriages do end in divorce. A prenup can make the divorce process much easier as marital assets and separate assets will already be identified. Furthermore, parents should have a discussion with their children about protecting themselves, especially if they will be inheriting any of their parents’ assets or wealth.

Prenups are not about just protecting one person. They are designed to protect both spouses. This means that there are certain procedures that must be followed for prenuptial agreements to be valid, such as both individuals signing the prenup willingly. A family law attorney can help a client draft a potential prenuptial agreement to ensure that it meets the requirements of the state.

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The development of a post-divorce budget is an essential first step. This process allows people to see exactly what their monthly bills for housing, food, transportation, insurance and utilities will be. Divorcees might need to consider debts as well. Creditors might try to collect debts that were jointly held during the marriage. People should monitor their credit reports and watch out for unexpected liabilities.

Even if income becomes constrained, people still need to save. Jobs that offer 401(k) retirement plans offer a way to deduct savings directly from pay. Boosting the amount deducted could eventually restore retirement savings lost during a divorce.

People who named spouses as beneficiaries in their wills should not overlook the need to select new designations. This same advice applies to beneficiary designations on life insurance policies and other financial accounts.

In addition to seeking out financial advice, a person might want legal representation. An attorney could inform someone about his or her rights to marital and nonmarital property when negotiating a divorce settlement. Distributions from a settlement might also produce tax consequences, and a lawyer could alert a person to this issue. During a contentious divorce, an attorney might buffer someone from a hostile ex-partner. This service might limit confrontations and keep negotiations focused on the future instead of old battles. If former spouses cannot come to terms privately, then a lawyer could prepare the case for court and strive to present clear information that might produce a fair ruling.

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According to a study conducted by the Center for Retirement Research, households that have been through a divorce have a net financial wealth that is 30 percent lower than similar households that have not undergone a divorce. The results of the study also show that divorced individuals have a 5 percent greater chance of depleting their assets. However, these statistics do not seem to apply to single women.

Single women who have been divorced seem to have the same degree of retirement readiness as women who have never been married. The reason that women seem to avoid the trend of not having enough money for retirement that plagues other groups is real estate.

After a divorce, women tend to have the children and the costly expenses associated with raising them. They also tend to have the family home, with which they build home equity. Women can use that home equity to bolster their finances for retirement

A family law attorney may work to protect the rights and interests of clients who are going through a divorce. After evaluating the factors surrounding a client’s divorce, the attorney may engage in litigation or negotiation to obtain favorable settlement terms regarding divorce legal issues like child custody, spousal support and child support. The attorney might also advocate on behalf of clients regarding the division of assets, such as retirement funds.

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The answer to that question depends on the following three factors:

1. Which type of custody (s)he has
2. Whether or not you object to the move
3. Whether or not the two of you can come to a new agreement with regard to visitation

Sole versus joint physical custody

If your ex-spouse has permanent sole physical custody of your children, also called primary physical custody, the only way you can stop the move is by going to court and presenting compelling evidence that this move will harm your children in some substantial way. If the two of you have joint physical custody of the children, however, then if you object to the move the burden of proof shifts to him or her to convince the judge that this move is in the best interests of the children as well as his or her own best interests.

New parenting plan

Your ex-spouse needs judicial permission to move your kids out of state even if you do not object to it. If this is the case, the two of you should write a new parenting plan that takes into account how far away you now will be living from each other and makes provision for your substantial continued involvement in your children’s lives.

For instance, rather than just seeing your children on alternating holidays, now maybe you can have them for the entire week surrounding the alternating holidays. Another idea is for the children to stay with you during most if not all of their summer vacations. You also may wish to look into “virtual visitation” apps that you and your children can use to basically video conference each other via computer or phone.

Whatever new parenting plan you and your ex-spouse agree to, the judge must approve it before your ex-spouse can relocate with the children.

Out-of-state travel

You may not realize that your ex-spouse also needs judicial permission, as well as your permission, to take your children out-of-state on a vacation or an extended visit to the homes of distant relatives. Judicial permission is especially important if (s)he wants to take the children out of the country for these vacations or visits.

As you are discovering, you and your ex-spouse are still tied to each other even though you are divorced. The two of you must continue to communicate with each other frequently at least until your youngest child reaches the age of 21 or finishes college, whichever occurs last.

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